


to be good at loving a second time

by trailsofpaper (Sanwall)



Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 20:32:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18746584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanwall/pseuds/trailsofpaper
Summary: “Remember Rio de Janeiro, the size of God’s hand, sardines fleshed-open at the market, the way I entered you and moved inside? Looking down, is this the kind of density you can live with? What is the slightness of our bodies to stay, to be good at loving a second time? My mouth pretends it is an oar when it lives inside your mouth, but you are far away.”― Stacie Cassarino, Zero at the Bone





	to be good at loving a second time

**Author's Note:**

> Think of this as my "2013 Dyle is real" redux, revisited in 2019.

 

“You know, I think I need to turn in, I’m sorry guys,” Dan said and rubbed at his forehead with his knuckles. Some of the end-of-gig-euphoria left Kyle with the rasp of Dan’s voice - they’d all been run ragged, and Dan most of all. Kyle felt a little guilty about it.

“No, we get it,” Charlie said, tapping his fingers against the hotel desk. “I was just thinking, a drink or two, nothing big. We could even do it here--”

He paused and looked at the door to the hotel bar and made a face. Woody laughed and Will, who, like always, looked to be on the verge of falling asleep, also perked up. Kyle saw which way the night was leaning, but he also saw the tired slope of Dan’s shoulder and made a decision.

“But you know Dan,” Kyle said, trying his best to sound teasing as he elbowed Dan in the side, gently. “It’s never just a drink or two with him, so I think we better not wake the beast.”

It never was just one drink with Dan, and Kyle tended to get pulled along. They had both of them a tendency to stay long past the apex of a party, hadn’t learned how to go while the going was good.

“Fair enough,” Charlie said and pushed himself off the hotel desk. “Tomorrow’s a new day, innit?”

“No, please, you go ahead,” Dan said and smiled, tiredly, at Kyle. “We’re in Rio de fucking Janeiro, go have an extra caipirinha, for me.”

“Well, if you’re sure,” Charlie said and bounced up on his heels, and Kyle could tell it would take him a while to wind down.“Let’s call the techs, see if they want to join us!”

Normally, Kyle would also be bouncing, but something about the humidity of the Brazilian night was pressing down on him, making the back of his neck itch. “Actually, I’m pretty beat, too,” Kyle said and pulled a hand through his hair. “I want to explore tomorrow, so I might as well get my beauty sleep.”

“Youngsters these days,” Woody said and shook his head and checked his pockets for his wallet. “They don’t have what it takes!”

“Easy for you to say, you get to sit through the entire set,” Will said, just to rile him up. The three of them left, under friendly banter about who was pulling the most weight on stage, with Woody and Charlie immediately ganging up on Will. Their voices cut off suddenly when the hotel door swung shut.

Kyle blew out a breath and followed Dan to the elevators. He didn’t know why he kept doing this to himself, finding himself alone with Dan. It only stirred up things he’d rather let lie.

“You’re not just staying behind for my sake, are you?” Dan asked as they stepped inside and he keyed in the right floor.

“Not everything is about you,” Kyle lied and leaned his body weight against the railing. “Besides, there’s a mini fridge in the room, we can live large right here.”

Dan laughed, and Kyle was so pleased with himself that he followed Dan all the way into his hotel room before he realized what he was doing. Dan didn’t say anything about it, so Kyle figured he might as well stay for a bit. Kyle _ really  _ didn’t know how to go while the going was good.

“You do know these hotel mini fridges are highway robbery, don’t you?” Dan said as he cracked open the door and peered inside. Kyle shrugged.

“What’s the point of being a world famous rock star if you can’t get shitfaced on extortionately priced gin?” he said, and Dan laughed again. He reached inside and handed Kyle the tiny little gin bottle while he took the whiskey for himself.

“Might as well go all out, if my voice already sounds this shitty,” Dan said and broke the seal on the bottle.

“Hey, now,” Kyle said, stilling with his own hand on the cork. “It doesn’t-- it didn’t sound shitty. Just because you’re a bit tired-- you can’t expect to hit every note every night. You always work around it.”

“Thanks,” Dan said, with a tone of voice that made it clear he didn’t believe him, and brought the bottle to his mouth to turn it upside down.

“Cheers,” Kyle muttered and opened the gin. It tasted like, well, gin, and it burned pleasantly down his throat and tickled his nose. It took him three gulps to empty the bottle.

“Well,” Dan said, now sounding really hoarse, and set his own emptied bottle aside, “why don’t we bring the beer out to the balcony at least? Pretend like we’re on vacation.”

“Oh yeah, good idea!” Kyle said excitedly and pulled open the mini fridge again. One of the actual upsides to this tour, being able to afford good hotel rooms with balconies.

Kyle was used to traveling, but he still wasn’t quite used to stepping outside and finding it the same temperature as the inside, if not warmer. His t-shirt was more than enough, and he kicked off his shoes and socks as he sat down in one of the two sun chairs. Dan sat down in the other and followed suit, and both of them could stretch out their naked feet and settle down.

“So much for my beauty sleep,” Kyle mused as he opened the beer bottle with the complimentary opener and looked out over the lights of the city. He was used to traveling, but he wasn’t used to this. Being in a country on the other side of the world, for a job.

“Don’t worry, you’re pretty enough as it is,” Dan said with his teeth to his own beer bottle and Kyle laughed. It was good that Dan felt like kidding around, at least.

The sounds of the city was a soothing murmur in the background, and Kyle thought he could very well fall asleep like this, if it weren’t for a strange hum in the air between him and Dan, something unsaid that plucked at Kyle’s consciousness. He chanced a look at Dan, who was staring out at the cityscape, unseeing, and resting the bottle against his lower lip. His profile cut a striking silhouette in the light pollution.

Kyle wanted to run his hand over the short fuzz on Dan’s head. Instead he reached out with his leg and poked Dan in the calf with his toes.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Kyle said and left his foot resting on Dan’s chair, toes against his leg.

Dan blinked, a slow fan of eyelashes, and he sighed.

“Nothing,” he said, nonsensically, and set the bottle aside. “I guess I wasn’t joking when I said I needed to turn in. I just have no idea how I’m going to fall asleep.”

“I could help,” Kyle said, meaning for it to sound like a joke even though it wasn’t. Quickly, but not quickly enough, he added, “Read you a bedtime story, tuck you in.”

Dan smiled, crow’s feet appearing by his eyes as he tipped his head back.

“That sounds nice,” he said.

It couldn’t have been more different than that windy night in Berlin where they’d both stumbled out of a bar, and Kyle, warm with dancing and vodka and happiness, had turned to press a messy kiss to Dan’s cheek just as Dan turned his face toward him, but that was what Kyle thought about anyway.

And, fuck, but Kyle shouldn’t have downed that gin. Because now he felt brave enough to set his beer aside and get to his feet to pull Dan up by his arms.

“Alright, off to bed we go then,” Kyle said and pushed at Dan, who feigned drowsiness and draped himself over Kyle like a ragdoll. They took a couple of stumbling steps together, Kyle sagging a little under Dan’s weight, and when they reached the balcony door, Dan very nearly tripped over the threshold.

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” Dan said and reached out to brace himself on the doorframe. Kyle didn’t quite keep up and so he almost tripped over the threshold himself, arms still tangled around Dan. Dan caught him around the waist so he didn’t fall, and Kyle set his shoulder to the opposite side of the doorframe for support.

“Sorry,” Kyle said, giving Dan his best sunny smile. Dan turned, and that was how Kyle realized they were still in each other’s arms.

Predictably, embarrassingly, the breath caught in Kyle’s lungs.

He’d gotten good, over the years, at tamping down on his little urges to touch Dan. Instead of having Dan like he wanted, he’d become what Dan needed him to be. That accidental, messy kiss from years ago was just that - an accident. What followed had been an accident too.

But like this - with Dan touching him, and the gin buzzing in his veins, and the city lights reflecting off Dan’s blue eyes mere inches from his - the weight of all things unsaid became an unbearable pressure behind Kyle’s breastbone and threatened to make him into something else.

Dan seemed to pick up on it, his expression turning sober and heavy as he looked Kyle over. Kyle couldn’t begin to guess what his own face looked like.

“Why not fuck this up, too?” Dan said softly, almost to himself. Kyle blinked just as Dan looked down at his mouth.

Kyle breathed in, sharply, and shifted his hand, set it down on Dan’s shoulder, feeling the warmth of him through the thin material of his t-shirt. He thought about saying _ you’re not,  you won’t,  _ but then Dan set his own hand on Kyle’s chest and leaned in to kiss him on the mouth.

Kyle barely had time to kiss back, for a fraction of a second, before Dan leaned away again. They looked at each other under heavy eyelids for a beat, Kyle’s chest heaving under Dan’s hand, and Kyle had time to think,  _ oh, fuck,  _ before they both leaned in again.

Where the first kiss had been brief, a wave coming up on a beach and rolling out again, the second kiss was a crashing of waves together, sending ripples out into Kyle’s body, making him cling desperately to Dan, who was hanging onto him too, bunching the material of Kyle’s t-shirt in his fists.

All the times he hadn’t let himself linger on the thought of kissing Dan again, properly, and now he was free to touch, to slide both his hands to the back of Dan’s neck and trap every sound he made between their mouths.

It was intoxicating, worse than any gin, and Kyle was barely aware of how they stumbled back inside, he was so busy with the taste of Dan on his tongue, the smell of sweat and sun-kissed skin between them. Their legs tangled, and Kyle was already half-hard, just from this, and he couldn’t help but roll his hips against the steady warmth of Dan’s body.

“Oh my god,” Dan said against his lips, and it took Kyle’s brain a beat to catch up.

“What?” he said, and he found that he couldn’t lean away to ask it. What if he leaned away and found he couldn’t lean back in? Instead nudged his nose to Dan’s and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“It’s not-- I just, _ Kyle,” _ Dan said, pleadingly, and pulled at Kyle’s t-shirt. With a strength of will he didn’t know he possessed, Kyle set the heels of his hands to Dan’s shoulders and pushed away to look at him.

He looked like Dan always looked, with a line in between his eyebrows that made his expressive eyes look both sad and worried. Kyle just wasn’t used to seeing it up close like this, picking out the freckles on the bridge of his nose brought out by the sun, feeling the hot rush of his breathing.

“What?” Kyle repeated, with a gnawing sense of unease settling in the pit of his stomach as he started to loosen his grip on Dan’s shoulders. Dan seemed to realize this, because he looked down with a sweep of black eyelashes, and then he tilted his head back up and pulled Kyle in close by his shirt.

“I don’t-- I don’t want to let you down,” he said, and Kyle blinked.

“You’re not?” he said and slid his hands down Dan’s arms to cup his elbows. “Dan, are you kidding? I feel like I’ve won the lottery here.”

There, a small twitch of a grin on Dan’s lips. Kyle smiled too and wanted nothing more than to lean in again.

“It’s just,” Dan said and looked down again, “I’ve never-- well, it’s _ you, _ Kyle, not just anybody. And never with a--”

“Keyboardist?” Kyle said. Dan blinked and broke into a smile so bright it lit up his eyes.

“No, you wanker,” he said with a laugh and pushed at Kyle. “Well, no keyboardist either, but I’m talking about - well, we’re in a band. Together. It’s-- I mean, it’s complicated.”

“It’s the same as it was, isn’t it?” Kyle said and rubbed at the warm skin of Dan’s arm. “That’s why we didn’t-- I mean, last time. If you don’t want to keep going now--”

“If I d-- Kyle, I kissed you, didn’t I?” Dan said. His grip on Kyle's t-shirt tightened further, and the sound of fabric on skin felt loud. “I just didn’t think I could  _ have--” _

Dan broke off and looked down. Kyle’s heart was hammering in his throat and he felt like he was balancing on a cliff’s edge. He had known Dan for long enough to be able to tell when he was overthinking something. Kyle himself generally didn't do that.

So he stepped back half a step and grabbed the back of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head, pulling it loose from where it was tucked into his trousers. “Well, have at it!” Kyle said and struck a pose, shirtless.

He expected Dan to laugh again - that was what he’d been trying for, in any case. But instead of laughing, Dan raked his eyes down his body and stepped back in close and hooked his fingers in the buckle of Kyle’s belt.

Dan slotted their bodies together, slowly, like he’d thought about it, and kissed Kyle’s neck. The warm, wet touch of his mouth sent a shiver down Kyle’s spine, hot and immediate, and Kyle grabbed Dan’s arms as if by reflex. Then he reached down between them and tugged at Dan’s stupid, oversized t-shirt, impatiently.

Together they managed to tear the t-shirt off, and Kyle immediately set his hands on Dan’s body, touched his chest and fitted his fingers into the grooves of his ribs. How many times had they touched, hugging each other and jokingly grabbing or shoving each other, but never like this? Purposefully not like this. He nudged at Dan’s face with his nose, to tilt it so he could kiss him on the mouth again.

Dan let him, but then he grabbed Kyle by his hips and, still kissing, walked him back until his legs hit the hotel bed. Kyle sat down, straining his neck to not break the kiss, and helped Dan climb into his lap and straddle his thighs. Kyle could feel the bulge in Dan’s jeans against his stomach, and he’d forgotten how heedy it was to make out and fall into bed with someone like this - but this wasn’t just anyone. It was _ Dan.  _ His friend and bandmate and whatever else, and if Kyle kept thinking about it he’d freeze up with fear of what he might ruin. They’d kept going, after last time, hadn’t they?

He set one hand on his back and trailed the lining of Dan’s boxers with his pinky. He set the other hand on Dan’s broad, warm thigh and traveled up to the crease of his hip, thumbing at the hipbone. Dan shifted in his lap - fuck, Dan was in his _ lap  _ \- and broke the kiss.

“So-- what d’you want?” Kyle said, voice rougher than he’d expected, and blinked up at him. Dan touched the side of Kyle’s face and Kyle felt his thumb pull at his lower lip for a moment.

“I don’t know,” Dan breathed and flicked his eyes over Kyle’s face. “Anything. What do you want?”

“No, no, you don’t get to do that with me,” Kyle said with a grin, and he felt Dan’s thumb slip off his lip. “Turn the interviewer’s question back at them. “Come on, Dan, tell me?”

Dan groaned and put their foreheads together and kissed Kyle again. They were lost to kissing for a while, the wet slide of tongues and lips, Kyle craning his neck with Dan’s hands on his shoulders and Dan moving in small shifts in his lap.

Inadvertently, as Kyle traced Dan’s spine and the dip of his back, Kyle’s little finger slipped inside the lining of Dan’s trousers, and he felt Dan go rigid under his hands.

“Sorry,” Kyle mumbled against Dan’s lips and slid his hand back up, only to have Dan reach behind himself, grab him by the wrist and push his fingers back under the lining.

The breath was pressed out of Kyle’s lungs in a groan, and with his other hand he fumbled with Dan’s belt and fly to get the low-slung jeans open and get his one hand really in there and cup Dan’s arse.

_ “Ah,”  _ Dan said, with a breathless quality to his voice, and Kyle wondered if his brain could melt out of his ears with how turned on he was. He set his mouth to Dan’s clavicle, resolving to just breathe for a while. Dan, however, seemed to have other plans, because once again he shifted against Kyle and effectively pushed him down flat on the bed.

“Alright,” Kyle said, grinning disbelievingly up at him, and tugged at Dan’s jeans some more. Together they managed to peel them off Dan’s stupidly long legs and throw them to the side, but they ended up toppling Dan in the process and Kyle had to roll on his side to keep kissing him.

“Why’re you wearing a fucking belt?” Dan mumbled, and Kyle felt him tug ineffectually at the belt in question.

“It’s for security,” Kyle said, trying his best to get his breathing under control, and reached down to help Dan get it open. “I have a long standing fear of being pantsed on stage.”

Dan, who was looking down between them, gave a laugh. He looked up at Kyle with a grin, flushed red and eyes bright, and Kyle felt his heart seize. He busied himself with shoving off his own trousers, wriggling around on the bed like a man possessed and steadfastly avoiding further eye contact.

“You know, I’m definitely going to pants you on stage at some point now,” Dan said and set his hand to Kyle’s hip.

“There you go, baring your heart to someone, and for what? So that they can use it against you!” Kyle said and grabbed the back of Dan’s thigh. Dan had been working out lately, his body growing heavier, and Kyle wanted to explore these new shapes so much he felt winded. Dan shivered when he traced the muscle upward.

“I’m joking,” Dan said and followed the line of Kyle’s arm with his hand. “Kyle, I wouldn’t-- I’m not trying to kill the mood or anything, but I wouldn’t use this - any of this against you, right?”

“Right,” Kyle said and shifted his body closer, still without looking Dan in the eyes. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind you using some of this against me, if you know what I’m saying.”

“Oh my god,” Dan said, but this time with exasperation, his hand stilling on Kyle’s shoulder. “I can’t believe I’m having sex with you!”

“Yeah, me neither,” Kyle said. He meant it to be another joke, but he did look Dan in the eyes then, and it came out a whole lot more sincere than he’d planned. The smile on Dan’s face turned soft, and it squeezed Kyle’s heart. He was going to have an actual heart attack if this was going to go on.

He wanted to lean in for more kissing, before he could start thinking about it, but Dan set his hand on his chest even as he scooted their hips together. He ran a thumb over Kyle’s nipple, and Kyle had found that blokes who had more experience with women tended to think the nipples were the end-all be-all of foreplay, which was bloody annoying since it didn’t do much for him. Except that, apparently, it did when it was Dan, because the touch sent a shiver through him, and Kyle curled closer, desperately. He remembered every detail, it felt like, from the first, last time they’d had sex, but this felt nothing like it.

“Hey,” Dan said, in a confiding sort of whisper. “Kyle, would you fuck me?”

The brain melting issue suddenly became pressing again, because Kyle’s thoughts ground to a resounding halt and he reflexively pulled Dan even closer by his thigh.

“I, er, well, _ yeah,” _ he said, intelligently. “But like, like you know it’s not what-- you don’t have to prove anything. You don’t have to go all out.”

“Go all--” Dan broke off on another laugh, face flushing an even deeper red. “Alright, well, I’d like to go all out. If that’s okay.”

Kyle swallowed and valiantly tried to think with his melted brain instead of with his dick. “It’s not-- not everyone likes it,” he said, as carefully as he could, and brought his hand up along Dan’s side to cup his face.

“Kyle,” Dan said, seriously, and Kyle braced himself. “If I tell you that I know for a fact that I’ll like it, will you put your hand back on my arse?”

“Y-- uhh,” Kyle said and put his hand back. “Your, ah, wish is my command.”

“That’s really hot,” Dan whispered, and managed to sound both embarrassed and teasing at the same time, and then they were kissing again.

Somehow, they ended up with Kyle on his back and Dan sitting on his stomach, fighting to get the cap off the lube bottle, and Kyle was going to have to process the information that Dan apparently traveled with a lube bottle, and that he knew for a fact that he liked having things up his arse, but for the moment he was concentrating on being able to reach the nightstand, where he set down all his rings with a clatter and took the time to twist off his watch as well, so it wouldn’t dig into Dan’s soft skin. He was proud of managing to think so rationally.

Then Dan set one hand on his chest for balance, and reached behind himself.

“Fuck,” Kyle said. So much for rational thought. “Hey, let me?”

Dan’s gaze fluttered up to his - his mouth was open and he was breathing heavily, and Kyle needed to busy himself if he wasn’t going to go out of his mind. Dan gave him the lube and Kyle poured a generous amount into his hand and closed his fingers around it, feeling the cool weight of the liquid for a moment.

“It’s easier if you-- if you get naked,” Kyle said and swallowed. The boxers didn’t do much to hide anything really, but still. Naked was naked, wasn’t it?

But Dan didn’t hesitate, he sat up on his knees and hooked his fingers in the lining of the boxers to push them down. “Oh, hello,” Kyle said, like an idiot. An idiot mesmerized by Dan’s cock, which was huge and beautiful and made Kyle feel a little inadequate, if he was being honest. Even if he knew, rationally, that size wise, he wasn’t exactly lacking himself.

“Here, I’ll just,” Dan said and shuffled off Kyle, a little awkwardly, to pull down his pants as well.

“Thanks,” Kyle said and tried to get over himself. It helped that Dan set his hand over his cock and squeezed experimentally. The sexiest experiment known to science, probably, Kyle thought. What he said was: “Gnngh.”

“That okay?” Dan said, looking up startledly.

“Okay? Yes it’s okay, it’s great, even, god,” Kyle said, panting wildly. “You’ve wanked me off once before, haven’t you? Please assume that anything you do will drive me absolutely nuts, alright?”

Dan blinked, seemingly taken aback by Kyle’s melted brain word salad. Then a smile curled over his features, a smile that contained a hint of mischief, and for a brief moment, Kyle thought his melted brain actually short-circuited, when Dan took a firmer grip and furthered his experiment. God, Kyle would never be able to look at Dan’s hands again.

He got his revenge later, though, when he pushed Dan off him and to the side and bent down to kiss his cock. Dan sighed, like he’d waited for it, and Kyle set to work, making sure to distract Dan with his mouth as he worked him open with his fingers, getting lube everywhere and not caring one bit.

Dan didn’t seem to care either, judging by the sounds he was making, thrashing around like it was impossible for him to keep still. Kyle knew he wouldn’t be able to keep still himself, if he wasn’t keeping so busy.

“If you don’t get on with it soon,” Dan gasped and reached to thread his fingers through Kyle’s hair, “I’m going to come, and that’d be-- that’d be embarrassing for me.”

“It wouldn’t,” Kyle mumbled against Dan’s thigh, curling his fingers inside him. “It’s alright, you know. We can do it like this.”

“If you want,” Dan said and let go of Kyle to heft himself up on his elbows. “I mean, if you don’t want to fuck me, I get it.”

“Don’t want--” Kyle said and looked up, past Dan’s heaving chest to his face. “Of course I want to fuck you! Who wouldn’t?”

Dan ran his hand over his head, self-consciously. “Alright,” he said. “Then do it, will you?”

Kyle closed his eyes and tried to think of unsexy things - cats in jumpers, the taste of coriander, stepping in dog poo - but it was all in vain. He was having sex with Dan and he thought there was no universe where it wouldn’t be over for him embarrassingly quickly.

“Alright,” he said. “It’s, er, I’ll get the condom. You-- it might be easier, if you’re, you know, on your stomach. That’s my experience, anyway.”

“I kind of want to hear about your experience,” Dan said and turned over, while Kyle struggled with the condom wrapper. “But then again, I hear green isn’t a good colour on me.”

It took a second for the words to register - melted brain, still a problem, especially when he was in the business of rolling on a condom - but when they did, Kyle gave a laugh.

“You really don’t have to be jealous,” he said and tried not to look at the lines of Dan’s back, the tender red marks that Kyle had left in his pale skin just from touching a little forcefully. “They’ve been-- nothing to write home about.”

_ Way to sell yourself short, Simmons,  _ Kyle thought and settled himself on all fours on top of Dan. He was so hard it almost hurt, and he distracted himself by kissing Dan’s exposed neck, nosing at the short hairs. Dan made a noise, a sigh high in his throat, and it was a little too easy to just-- slip down and in--

“Ah,” Dan said, and Kyle felt the muscles in his back shift as he gripped the sheets.

“Oh,” Kyle said and screwed his eyes shut tight. “Oh-- I, is it alright? I can--”

“It’s alright,” Dan said into the pillow and pushed up against Kyle, which really didn’t leave much room for argument. The rhythm they found was natural like none of it had been up until now.

Kyle tried to concentrate not on himself so much but on Dan; the way he moved and sounded and felt, God, Dan felt so much that Kyle wanted to lose himself in him and never emerge. He pressed his mouth against the nape of Dan’s neck and tracked his spine with his hand, tenderly. Dan moaned, a low, drawn-out sound.

Purposefully, Kyle slowed down. He didn’t want this to be over, and he wanted Dan to  _ know--  _ he needed to know himself.

“Is it-- are you good?” he said, with great effort. He felt a bead of sweat work its way down his forehead and then drip down onto Dan’s shoulder. He didn’t still, but if Dan wanted him to, he would.

Dan turned his head, straining his neck and flexing his shoulder. “Yeah, Kyle,” he said. “Yeah, faster, please.”

“Polite,” Kyle said with a breathless laugh. Dan made a breathy noise, not quite a gasp, and Kyle closed his eyes and did what Dan wanted him to. Kyle wanted to live like this, the borders between them blurred out by sweat and pleasure.

In the end, it was over too soon - there was no amount of time that would have been enough, Kyle thought, hazily. He tried to fight it, but when Dan arched his back and came, he pulled the orgasm from Kyle by gasping his name.

Helplessly, Kyle toppled across him, his arms giving out and his body desperate to stay. Dan didn’t protest, even as the sweat started to cool and stick them together from head to toe while they breathed in tandem.

After a while, Dan shifted underneath Kyle, enough that Kyle hissed and tried to reach in between them, to keep the condom in place well enough for him to withdraw without adding to the mess.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he gingerly pulled the condom off and tied a knot before he chucked it into the bin. Wiping his hands on his thighs, Kyle contemplated getting up and going to the washroom, but he wasn’t sure his legs would hold, and besides, he heard Dan shift and say, “Don’t go.”

Kyle turned with a smile, looking Dan up and down. “Where would I go?” ha said and reached out to touch Dan’s hip. He was shining with sweat and had settled into the wet spot with the knowledge that if he didn’t move, it wouldn’t feel so bad. Something wild inside Kyle clawed at him and made him lean forward and press a messy kiss to Dan’s cheek.

Dan slung an arm around Kyle’s neck, to pull him close, and Kyle did his best to settle down beside him. “You didn’t stay last time,” Dan mumbled into his shoulder.

Kyle stilled. Last time.

“You wanted me to leave,” Kyle said, and it felt like he couldn’t breathe. His lungs hurt. Dan didn’t move for a while, and when he did, it was to sigh.

“I suppose I did,” Dan said and pushed his forehead against Kyle’s cheek. “I’m sorry I wasn’t-- I couldn’t be what you needed. Still don’t know if I can.”

“I don’t need you to be anything,” Kyle said. “Just-- I like you, Dan, and I’ve seen you at your worst. Low blood sugar really does a number on you.”

“You’re the one to talk,” Dan said and finally shifted to look Kyle in the eye. “You started crying when your football team lost.”

“They deserved to win, Dan!” Kyle said and shoved at Dan, who immediately grimaced.

“I need to go wash,” he said and squeezed Kyle’s neck. “But I don’t want to get up.”

“Well, I’m not carrying you,” Kyle said and inched closer.

“I don’t want you to carry me! Your beard tickles.”

“Oh, it tickles, does it,” Kyle said and lifted his head to drag his chin across the back of Dan’s head and neck, beard rasping against his short hair. Dan protested loudly and rolled to the side, pulling Kyle with him and into the wet spot, which in turn made Kyle yelp and scramble to get up.

“Yuck!” Kyle said, with feeling, and wiped at his own side.

Dan grinned, teeth glinting in the light bleeding in from the outside. “It’s all your fault, you know,” he said and swung his legs over the side of the bed so they were sitting side by side.

“My fault you had your best orgasm in years?” Kyle said and elbowed Dan in the side. “Yeah, I’ll take the blame for that one.”

Instead of answering, Dan stood up and walked into the bathroom, with a slight limp. Kyle hesitated for a second before he trailed after him.

“Who’s leaving now?” he teased as he stepped over the threshold. Dan was by the sink and he looked up to meet Kyle’s gaze in the mirror.

“Kyle, I--” Dan said before looking down at the faucet and his hands under the water. “It _ was  _ the best fucking orgasm I’ve had in years.”

“Yay,” Kyle said and inched up beside him to grab some toilet paper to towel himself off. “Hopefully, the best fucking orgasm _ so far _ . I mean, I’m willing to give it another go.”

A smile tugged at Dan’s mouth even if it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Do you think we can do this?” he said and turned the faucet off. He turned in the small space, so that they were face to face. Kyle swallowed.

“I think,” he said carefully, “that we can do whatever we want. As long as we want it.”

“Do you?” Dan said and grabbed his own elbow. “Do you want it?”

“Fuck, Dan,” Kyle said and grabbed Dan’s elbow too, to hold his hand. “Yes! Yes, for fuck’s sake, I want it!”

Even in this shitty bathroom light, Dan was beautiful. He met Kyle’s gaze and drew in a breath.

“I want it too,” he said and made a face. “And not just ‘cos the sex was good. Bloody hell, I’m supposed to train tomorrow, I don’t know how I’m supposed to run like this.”

Kyle blinked. Then he burst out laughing, a bright, loud laugh that made Dan laugh too, and they pulled each other in for a hug. An extremely naked, sticky hug. Kyle knew there wasn’t any point to showering, because they were going to sleep tangled together and wake up bathing in sweat, but he didn’t care. He only held Dan closer.


End file.
